Spring Breakers

RED WHITE AND BLUE

Fucking watch it in the dark alone

월 (moon) and hurt locker

"Moon" with sam rockwell, as already extensively covered by my collegue, was indeed (to embrace redundancy) refreshing. I am of no expertise to adequately discuss things of the sci-fi, and for that matter, action genres as both seem to be quite coveted taxonomies. Yet, I feel that both give due justice to their respective genres by offering a more deconstructed and at times minamalist approach to their manifestations.
Moon is a departure from something like 2001colon a space odyssey...or rather more like an inversion. Only it is not so much an inversion as it is a reflexive view of the man vs. computer narrative. In this scenario, the computer is not the antagonist but actually another victim, a dehumanized cog caught up in the juggarnaut of progressive industry, space exploration/penetration and economic innovation. At the other end of this series of systems, we understand, is merely another group of people, though more terrestrial, do not actually exhibit much more power and authority over our unfortunate characters other than running the show up there....and being Korean.....? which brings me to the eerie insertion of 사랑 (love) as the company name. hmmmmmm

Hurt Locker depicts similar dehumanizing systems. There are plenty of U.S. v. Iraq showdowns set to almost complete silence that are quite unnerving, yet they are shown as only a mere afterthought to the protagonists' real enemy, which is their specialty, ballistics. The movie follows a crew of bomb disarming specialists, so the real showcase battles exist between them and again, inatimate things of man's making. Like Moon, these objects are not meant to distract, but to emphasize to greater extent, the systems in place that both create and interact with them.

Both films depart on formerly hyperbolic genres in order to create an experience that is both thought-provoking and a bit frightening....but without the enhancement of score, highspeed car chases oorrrrrrrrr...... Michael Bay.

kickass.

Refreshing

Moon was one of the best psychological sci-fi thrillers of my time. It contained many elements of a gripping Twilight Zone episode. K Spacey's voice as ' Gerty 'was perfect. Sam Rockwell's performance was extremely powerful. You could feel your self loosing your sanity right along side him. The film raised some deep questions for me as to where the future of science and technology are going to lead us as a race. When the plot began to unravel I felt my self becoming nauseated at the truths of his position. The cinematography was excellent, many epic landscape shots of the moons surface. A very pinnacle scene was the first and only time earth is shown. This was an intensely painfull moment in the film. For me moon made up for allot of the "scifi" garbage that has been coming out of the hollywood machine
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"ORPHAN" or "there is something wrong with whats-her-face" or "how i spent my summer vacation!"

believe it or not, there are still some people out there who DO NOT get all of their information/knowledge from watching movies. and to these people i would say, "OPEN YER DAMN EYES." seriously, idiots, it's a safety concern at this point. these people of which I speak (YOU?!!!?!.....fucking idiot......) might do something as stupid as, let's say, visit the current "Russian Federation" with images like this one dancing in your head:

And yer all like "awww, vlad putin and baby siberian tiger, WHAT A MAGICAL, WONDERFUL AND NOT EVIL PLACE TO VISIT ON 'HOLIDAY'!!!!" cause idiot twats like you say things like 'holiday' even though yer not from UK or austrailia or some place where it's acceptable. but your harmless twat little thoughts are clouding you from the truth because if you watch enough movies you would know that this place, which I'll refer to as the SOVIET FUCKING BLOC along with all "former" satellite countries AS WELL AS (thanks to 'orphan') the Balkan states (?!?!) ARE PURE FUCKING EVIL.

Allow me to remind your dumb asses about a few things:

"oh, i see it now. i'm a total fucking idiot. but what about the BABES?!?! i was promised a sassy/frigid ambiguously eastern european MAIL-ORDER BRIDE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

and to you i would say, "HELL YEA MISS CHERNOBYL'S READY AND WAITING bnnng"

so is this shit I LOVE ME SOME 35 YEAR OLDS IN THE BODIES OF CHILDREN (possible chernobyl victim as well? who knows they don't keep silly 'records' in evilville)

uh. orphan sucked.

Demon-goat-cat-vomit, or The best movie of '09?

Editor's Note: B flat

My veins pumped blood to my extremities, like they did every day, as I saw Drag Me To Hell. After watching the film on this particular day, however, all of the blood in my body was pumped straight to the shaft of my penis. This is when the doctors tell me that I blacked out. They say that when I came to I was yelling about an assistant manager’s position.

This review (WITH SPOILERS) is late to the presses. Even as the days are crossed off the calendar, long after Bastille Day's passing, my tongue still dances with delight when I hear the words "drag”, “me”, “to”, and “Hell" in the same sentence. Since the premier of “Drag”, it has been nothing but endless media exposure and tribute murders across the continental U.S.

American cinema’s crowning achievement of the year thus far is heaven on film. I would literally lube up the cylinder core of the reel and have sex with it if it was possible. If this all seems like it is too good to be true - if you think that this movie has nothing on “Up”, or “Bruno” – let me come at you like this. Here we go.

This hot lead actress pisses off this witch lady and gets a curse put on her by the crazy old hag. Then the Lamia (the most feared of all demons, duh) torments her for three days. Dude, when I get dragged to hell, I want to train to be a demon. Demons are fucking badass and the Lamia was no exception. He totally fucks with this chick for three days and does badass terrible shit that would make you fart, poop, pee, and sneeze all at the same time while vomiting up a kitten.

So, yeah, demons and hot chicks…pretty good so far, huh? It gets better. I don’t want to ruin it for you but there are fucking talking goats and shit - this movie is ridiculous. There are crazy awesome audio effects that are in your face the whole movie. Sam Rami spared no expense on CGI and digital editing to ensure this film would be so brutally sweet that the gross-out factor would be pushed to the limit. There's a firehose-strength nose bleed and an arm down someone's throat. The gypsy witch loses her dentures and slobbers on the heroine's face. Someone vomits a kitten. SOMEONE VOMITS A KITTEN. (You’re reading that right.) Someone else gets attacked by an evil handkerchief. This movie is horror/comedy brilliance and deserves the spotlight.

It doesn’t mean jack that the film is rated PG-13 and was done by a major studio. It doesn’t detract from the fact that

1. The hot chick gets dragged to hell. No happy ending.
2. Talking goat.
3. SOMEONE VOMITS A KITTEN.
4. Demons rule.
   
   

If you’ve seen the movie and you disagree with this review you suck and I’ll sick my goat-demons on you. You'll be riding shotgun with the Lamia on the one-way street to Hell, bud.

ÜBER-ÜPDATE!!! now with ümlauts!!!!!!!!

if Ü made it past the title Ü can probably assüme wüt this üpdate is about.

ES MUSS SEIN BRÜNO!!!

ü are correct. let me begin by saying we laughed our ässes öff watching this mövie. that's right and i dont give any fücks about it being "less funny than borat". fück that shit.

Brüno is to homophobia as Borat was to xenophobia and both movies have no qualms exploiting the shit out of it for our shock and amusement. or "shock and awe" according to operation iraqi freedom. or "BLITZKRIEG!!!" according to the third reich (more relevant....?).

And while some may scoff at this over-the-top approach, i feel it is merely a sign of the times. We have a billion-dollar franchise of mainstream torture porn but freak the fuck out if some guy consentually gets his dick sucked by a vacuum cleaner???? WHEN DID WE START HATING LOVE???

And why condemn "shock" cinema anyways it has been there since the begining of the motion picture. Legendary badass and Jersey boy Tommy Edison invented "shock" and mean literally and figuratively. and this was in the early 1900's. DONT BELIEVE ME?!? check this shit.

HA HA HA HA HA HA suck it. and watch Brüno already.